Do it right
I watched a two year old putting lids on pots and not caring if they fit or not. How would it feel to do some things without being preoccupied by doing them correctly all the time?
Putting a lid on it
A couple of years ago I was visiting friends and their ever industrious two year old was playing with pots and pans on the kitchen floor. My friends are hardcore chefs, meaning that every pot has a lid that fits; a unique opportunity for a curious kid in the kitchen. The little fella was immersed in placing the lids seemingly at random on pots. As far as I could tell he didn't care about pairing them “correctly.” Each time he would consider the lid, pick a pot to place it on — over or in depending on the size differences. After taking in the result, he would put aside that lid and choose another one to place.
He showed this wonderful indifference to whether or not the lid fit properly. Every now and again, I had the impression he would deliberately take one, look around and drop it onto the correct one. But when I was watching he never did it repeatedly, just on a whim. His father would get excited; insisting and pointing out which pot is the right one for the lid, but he was very much ignored. He was playing a very different game to how us adults were looking at it.
The contrast with the little one’s experience really stuck with me; it still has me reflecting on the arbitrary nature of picking the “correct” one; he wasn’t about to go make a souflet or something — that a lid fit didn’t matter. I guess he was learning about “bigger,” “smaller” and “similar.” Each lid and pot pairing a little insight. If that’s what you are playing at, the “similar” sizing is only one of three valuable outcomes. He didn’t care about the purpose of the pans. In fancy terms, if the outcome has no real consequence, then why does it matter if it is correct?
Sometimes I flirt with ideas of f*cking things up - Willem Defoe (link)
Peruse the possibilities instead of picking the “right” one
As a recovering perfectionist, I wish I’d been ecouraged more in this direction — or reminded that it was an option. Formal education is steeped in doing things properly, in not failing. Sometimes, I still notice an almost eldritch dread when I consider doing something “wrong.”
Even in writing for my substack here, ironically, I’m between laughing and gritting my teeth in frustration because I’m still thinking so much in the frame of writing down what’s on my mind “correctly”, in a way that garners interest and reaction; which is an unpleasant and stifling intention for me to have.
I like using verbs like explore, tinker, study, map; maybe I’ll start trying out “peruse the possibilities.” Filling my understanding of the world a bit more.
The people that come to meditation, yoga, martial arts and even the general movement culture practices are often seeking a validation, a desire to do something impressive and to be told they are doing it “right.”
Thinking back over the last 30 years or so of practice there are a lot of things that I thought were right, and I told my students with confidence that they were so, and at least some of these things have changed, a great example being knees going beyond the toes. I feel much better in finding a way to open up the options to explore within a low risk space, there’s a wonder that comes from discovering something new. And as time goes by, if you are going to make a souflet, you’ll know when to pick the right lid for yourself.
Practicalities
One of the ways I’ve been approaching this in the body structure work in my Wednesday classes — and previously in my online classes and book, subtle plug — is starting with moving and feeling, then eventually asking them to settle into a position that feels most nourishing at the moment. For example, with the ankles, as you are standing, moving them inwards and outwards repeatedly, iteratively, feeling how the feet, the knees and even the torso and the head are affected by the ankle position; recognising where it feels more or less pleasant; when it feels more or less athletic; where it feels more or less grounded; pick any adjective that pops into your head and try it out. Can you smile to yourself if you notice a desire to do it correctly or optimally?
Eventually, once you’ve satisfied your curiosity, where would you like your ankles to be based on your feeling and what you are going to do next? How does it feel to walk afterwards?